WHO THIS IS FOR

You keep having the same fight. You both know how it ends.

You are not here because you don't love each other. You are here because something keeps happening between you that neither of you can stop once it starts. One of you pulls away, the other pushes harder, or you both go quiet and wait for it to blow over. It blows over. Then it comes back.

Most couples can describe the argument perfectly. What they usually can't see from inside it is the pattern underneath, the older, more tender thing each of you is protecting when the volume goes up. That is where we work. Not on who is right about the dishes or the in-laws or the phone, but on what each of you is actually afraid of in that moment, and what you have each learned to do about it.

Some couples come to me after conventional couples counseling stalled. They understood their dynamic and could name it in the room, and then went home and did it anyway. Understanding is necessary. It is rarely enough. The part that changes things is trying something different while it is happening, with someone there to slow it down.

What we would actually do

We meet together, and I get to know both of you and the shape of what happens between you. When the pattern shows up in the room, and it will, we stop and look at it. Sometimes we replay a moment from the week and each of you tries a different move. Sometimes we slow a conversation down to the sentence where it went sideways. I draw on IFS, the Gottman method, Relational Life Therapy, psychodynamic work, and my training as a drama therapist, and I will tell you plainly what I see, including when one of you is doing more of the work.

Practical: Couples sessions are 50 minutes and $300. In person in Downtown Brooklyn or by video anywhere in New York State.

Start with fifteen minutes.

A short call, no charge, and no obligation to book anything after it. Tell me roughly what is going on and I'll tell you honestly whether I am the right person for it.